don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future..

courtesy ...one of the forwards i received today....

Woman Of Substance

What does this actually mean? for me it means a woman who has belief, ambition, drive to do something and does it against all the forces that might try stop her.

She does not need to be a major business tycoon or wife of a biggie or one with some political or other power. For me a woman of substance is the one who has conviction, drive, the killer instinct to do it and goes behind it, all out.

Her being successful in task is not as important as her belief and commitment in doing so.

She may be a maid, who wakes up early morning, gets her kids ready for school that she can hardly afford, works all day in 8-10 houses, secretly saves money for rainy days- always believing that she will give her kids a life that she never had.

She may be a farmer’s wife, who starts working in field before sunrise and works through sunset - believing that the field she works in as a daily wage earner will be hers one day.

It may be a woman from working class who goes through struggle of life day in and day out - not only wanting to but knows it will make a difference in her and her children's life

or could be the business woman who wants to make big in the men dominated business world …

There are many forms of my woman of substance, but for now I want to narrate a story of a particular one …

She was born in a conservative joint family in a city of Punjab, where girls were sent to school with male escorts (brothers, uncles or a trusted male servant), girls always covered from head to toe, not allowed to mingle with many friends, it goes without saying, they would be grounded for months if seen as much as just talking to a boy.

The idea was to give basic education to the girl, so that she can be married off at the earliest to some businessman or a sarkari / office baboo making good money, have kids and serve husband and family as a good Indian housewife.

But she had a dream - to break free from this life, and live a life 'with' her and not 'for' her family... hence unlike her sisters she accepted a marriage proposal from outside Punjab, to an Airforce officer, where the life was not about only raising children, it meant having one’s own identity. A life away from the usual sunrise to sunset household routine. She argued back the objections raised by the family on challenges she may face - she was determined to beak free.

During the courtship they exchanged letters in two languages…she wrote in Hindi and got reply in English. On her fiancee‘s request she started writing back in English – irrespective of how the grammar or language might sound. From that point she knew that her life was about to change.

The docile girl from a city of Punjab got married and moved from city to city with postings. The life, culture and people were different, she coming from a tee teetotaler vegetarian family was surprised to see alcohol flowing in the messes. At every step there was a choice she had to make, either move away from the situation and get into a shell, or come out and adapt to the situation. The first meant, leading her life with her husband and kids at home with no or very less social life, and the other meant to compromise and adjust to the new way of life and thinking. She chose the second, and learnt to strike a perfect balance between the new life and her belief’s.

When she overcome the adjustments of social differences mentioned above, she found some new problems awaiting her. As she wanted to do more than just socialize and move around in messes, hence started teaching in a unit school. People around her, in school and in general showed sense of superiority because of their background and good command over English. Today it sounds funny thinking about this, as every kid is born speaking English. But think of the time, when this girl was time and again let down as she was not comfortable speaking the language. That is when she decided to study further, and do her Masters …in English. Since that time there was no looking back for her. Determined like a tigress, never again wanting to be talked down, she further went ahead in doing her BEd. Took English as her core subject started teaching junior classes and moved to teaching the board classes of Xth and XIIth in Delhi, with 20+ years exp she is now HOD of a leading school in NCR.

Today with her expertise on the subject, she is consulted within the family if one has a doubt on any facet of grammar or usage of the language. She is the final verdict when it comes to getting answers for bets or challenges within.

With time she had became more and more independent, and when her husband got affected by asthma, she took charge of the situation, packed kids to bed or neighbors house, kick started a bajaj scooter, and rode miles from a remotely located airforce station to the MH (military hospital) in city, with her husband panting for breath on back seat. She did this not once, but many times, be it day or night, she would never lose her nerve, always kept her calm for her husband and little kids. This only those can do who have a drive and belief in themselves.

She always stood strong like a pillar for her family. In rough times, the once meek girl from Punjab, stood strong in storms of life, and supported her husband and children, assured them and saw to it that they sailed through. Without her strength her family, her children would have been long broken. She is the house of willpower with which she fights her battles. If needed she will even make way with God and not let any harm touch her family.

For me, she, - my mother - is a woman of substance !!!

New age Schindlers for the new age Holocaust

Holocaust = Layoff’s
Schindlers = Managers

In past few months I have seen and heard many horrid stories of layoff’s, the way it is done, methods used, reasons quoted, terms it is done on…

In the midst of this bloodbath we fail to notice the hidden Schindlers, who try saving as many jobs as they can, or jobs of specific few…what ever is in their power, they help or try to...

I have also seen few cases where one has volunteered to be laid off in turn to save someone’s else’s job who is in need…HATS OFF…

Every day I admire a manager who makes an endless attempt to save one more casualty...and I see such examples more than you may imagine.

This post of mine is dedicated to all those Schindlers who are fighting with all their might...to save just one more soul if they can !!!

Holocaust did not last for ever …nor will this…so lets keep our strength together and try to be a Schindler in what ever way we can… after all, after decades we still remember Schindler, as much as we do the said genocide.

i dont expect much humanity from human race anyways...

grow up !!!

how can u hold something that happened 9 to 10 years back as kids...that i dont even remember now and still be angry...

oh man will you ever grow up and behave like mature being?

i can't continue our argument that we left 10 years back when we were last in touch (perhaps met few times after that)...i have grown and moved on...too bad that you still live in 98....

mentality of indian women

so what if i have balls to do what i want to, and stand up to my rights - against the society, family and friends...so what if i have not made myself into a baby making machine like what is expected of a typical indian girl...so what if i want to lead my life my way and dont want to live terms dictated by parents, inlaws or husband

it does not make me any lesser women / person than you - or anyone for that matter ...

do we need to explain

when you know the reasons for your actions, and the world does not...they tend to judge you...

so...must u go all out to explain "why's" for actions...or let it be?

women's emotional imbalance

women - they seem to be very complicated but have one common trait the one where - they can be swept off their foot very easy...

right kind of words, right moves and she is yours...

i am watching the series "sex and the city" again, and this time round i am more irritated by Carrie's behavior than when i saw it earlier...as since then i have seen more and more cases of how women let men take advantage of their feelings so easily. women just seem to have no control.

while it is obvious that the guy is using her emotions to set a perfect trap, playing a ping pong by giving hope one day and withdrawing the next, she keeps falling for the trick till she has no shame and dignity left in her.

Carrie a typical subject - does exactly the same, falling into Big's trap time and again post being dumped god knows how many times already...why can't girls take a stance and decide once and for all, rather than falling in and out of love and bed of the same guy...

what's for the guy, he is just being a guy...and woman end up making complete fool's of themselves...proving the point that either they do not have brains...and if they do, it fails to work in front of their heart...or is it irresistible men?

Time stands still…and will do so ...for ever...

I have been writing in anger and passion a lot about the army, the fight and the attacks, and had been running away from writing this last piece, as I knew this will take a lot of emotional energy…as I here will talk about a permanent scar which these sacrifices leave in the hearts of the family who send their son to fight the war.

Let me begin by sharing my encounter with some people with zero national character…those who are shame to our country

It was in year 1999 just before Kargil, I was having discussion with friends on bravery of our Army men and how they should be honored as they are willing to sacrifice their lives for the nation. And a friend shot back with an insensitive reply saying “well they join army knowing that they will die, they choose to die, so why worry?”

I still boil with anger when I think of that day, as this comment came when I was citing a heroic story of my cousin brother who had died just few months back in 34 hours encounter with terrorists in the valley...

and i get a reply “army men know they will die…and they choose to?"I wish I can go back in time and slap that person and tell him, that these men die to save civilians like himself , who rather than feeling thankful don’t even value the sacrifice?

9 years since and I hear another comment, well not that severe but still hurts “it is a known fact and not new, that it is not worth dying for this country”. I feel very sad when I think of those 1000’s of men who died to save people like these, rather than honoring them they make it look like an obvious mistake…

that is where I give up and feel that it was not worth it, when the people for whom our forces die for, the people who sleep in peace when our men take bullets at border…these very people, don’t even acknowledge their sacrifice and shamelessly take it for granted – that Army men are ready to fight war and die...that it is known that it is not worth dying for our country...

Well in all of this they very conveniently forget one word “men” attached to the word army. Have they ever thought what happens to the families of these people, have they ever thought that these guys may have wife, kid, siblings, parents, friends?

Let me throw some light...

They are humans like us with families and friends – with dreams and hope. Like a Army officer i know of - father to be when he was called to fight in the valley, his wife 5 months pregnant ,he made promises to buy pram and toys for the kids on his return…and left with many more such joyful thoughts. The father being and ex army officer sent his son to the war with pride, mother packed paratha's made in milk so that it remains soft for long, only later to receive the news that their son died a death of bravery. His younger sister then pregnant too was called from Delhi to Dehradun, on some pretext to meet parents, not knowing that when she reaches she will await with her parents for her brother’s coffin. My hands are shaking writing about happened 10 years back…as it shakes the very core of us even today.

The news on media fades and your candle flame dies – but life for these family go on…think of the young wife, who has to bring up a kid on her own, think of the kid, who has never seen her father and will grow up looking at papa’s pictures and listening to his stories, think of the sisters plight every year on festival called raakhi..think of the parents who now spend their life looking at the picture albums, and lie to each other hiding their pain, fearing they will add on to spouses pain if seen crying.

Life moves on for the world…but it stands still for the family who looses their son…media forgets the sacrifice in 20 days, minister forgets the speech on bravery in 20 minutes, but you visit that house after 20 years…you will still find the parents holding their son’s picture, the son they sent to fight the enemy at front for all of us…

For them the time stands still, and for this family I know the time stood still in August of 98…

You Wake up now?

Entire India has woken up to attacks today, saying enough is enough !!!

Why? Simple - Coz this time the attacks happened at the elitest of the lot. Till now the garbage picker, or chai wala or some other segment of the poor were getting killed, but today we have candle march as the rich is affected. My friend Deepak made an interesting comment saying “today the world is shaken, as the page 3 guys are affected, it is not new, people have died before, but now it is noticed as it happened to people who have a voice”

Mumbai was enlightened with new words– “NSG , Army , Commando“ now when it happened on it’s doorstep – well these guys had been in existence for long…they have had major operations even earlier, but Mumbai woke up to this fact today.

Forget the NSG which is a special team involved in special operations, how is it that Army is hero only today when they saw them in uniforms on Mumbai roads fighting for them? Why was their existence not acknowledged when they had been guarding our borders every day for years– war or no war. There are attacks every day, men die to save us every day, have we ever applauded them? Today we do as it happened inside Taj and Oberoi and not in the valley?

Our men had been dying in valley for years – there names do not even appear in newspapers, their death is reported in numbers…7 Army Men killed, or 2 officers killed…that is all…why we never got on to our feet then to salute, only because they died in valley and not in your own hometown?

You need them now when you want them to guard you as you pay taxes? You could not have insulted them more - they are not commodity to be purchased by your taxes, they are men with families like us. You need security so ask for it, ask, because as citizen you deserve it, not because you pay taxes…their lives cannot be measured by the taxes you pay. As my friend Saunak says "this duty certainly doesn't absolve by paying few thousands as taxes.... There's no price for sacrifice"

You want the security ? fine so fight their battle for them - have a march against those who are counting the number of eggs in their ration, saying 24 a month is too much, have a march to better their salaries, something which is pending clearance for long, help them fight those who question their CSD facility, have a march to give them better homes, fight for their better life…

You wake up now to the existence of our Defence forces, while there are 100’s of widows, who have been remembering their husband’s for more than a decade, all alone in their homes.

You wake up now as they showed that they can die for you in your own city, while you were totally blind to the fact,that for years they already had been dying for you, but in the unknown darkness of the valley.