Woman Of Substance

What does this actually mean? for me it means a woman who has belief, ambition, drive to do something and does it against all the forces that might try stop her.

She does not need to be a major business tycoon or wife of a biggie or one with some political or other power. For me a woman of substance is the one who has conviction, drive, the killer instinct to do it and goes behind it, all out.

Her being successful in task is not as important as her belief and commitment in doing so.

She may be a maid, who wakes up early morning, gets her kids ready for school that she can hardly afford, works all day in 8-10 houses, secretly saves money for rainy days- always believing that she will give her kids a life that she never had.

She may be a farmer’s wife, who starts working in field before sunrise and works through sunset - believing that the field she works in as a daily wage earner will be hers one day.

It may be a woman from working class who goes through struggle of life day in and day out - not only wanting to but knows it will make a difference in her and her children's life

or could be the business woman who wants to make big in the men dominated business world …

There are many forms of my woman of substance, but for now I want to narrate a story of a particular one …

She was born in a conservative joint family in a city of Punjab, where girls were sent to school with male escorts (brothers, uncles or a trusted male servant), girls always covered from head to toe, not allowed to mingle with many friends, it goes without saying, they would be grounded for months if seen as much as just talking to a boy.

The idea was to give basic education to the girl, so that she can be married off at the earliest to some businessman or a sarkari / office baboo making good money, have kids and serve husband and family as a good Indian housewife.

But she had a dream - to break free from this life, and live a life 'with' her and not 'for' her family... hence unlike her sisters she accepted a marriage proposal from outside Punjab, to an Airforce officer, where the life was not about only raising children, it meant having one’s own identity. A life away from the usual sunrise to sunset household routine. She argued back the objections raised by the family on challenges she may face - she was determined to beak free.

During the courtship they exchanged letters in two languages…she wrote in Hindi and got reply in English. On her fiancee‘s request she started writing back in English – irrespective of how the grammar or language might sound. From that point she knew that her life was about to change.

The docile girl from a city of Punjab got married and moved from city to city with postings. The life, culture and people were different, she coming from a tee teetotaler vegetarian family was surprised to see alcohol flowing in the messes. At every step there was a choice she had to make, either move away from the situation and get into a shell, or come out and adapt to the situation. The first meant, leading her life with her husband and kids at home with no or very less social life, and the other meant to compromise and adjust to the new way of life and thinking. She chose the second, and learnt to strike a perfect balance between the new life and her belief’s.

When she overcome the adjustments of social differences mentioned above, she found some new problems awaiting her. As she wanted to do more than just socialize and move around in messes, hence started teaching in a unit school. People around her, in school and in general showed sense of superiority because of their background and good command over English. Today it sounds funny thinking about this, as every kid is born speaking English. But think of the time, when this girl was time and again let down as she was not comfortable speaking the language. That is when she decided to study further, and do her Masters …in English. Since that time there was no looking back for her. Determined like a tigress, never again wanting to be talked down, she further went ahead in doing her BEd. Took English as her core subject started teaching junior classes and moved to teaching the board classes of Xth and XIIth in Delhi, with 20+ years exp she is now HOD of a leading school in NCR.

Today with her expertise on the subject, she is consulted within the family if one has a doubt on any facet of grammar or usage of the language. She is the final verdict when it comes to getting answers for bets or challenges within.

With time she had became more and more independent, and when her husband got affected by asthma, she took charge of the situation, packed kids to bed or neighbors house, kick started a bajaj scooter, and rode miles from a remotely located airforce station to the MH (military hospital) in city, with her husband panting for breath on back seat. She did this not once, but many times, be it day or night, she would never lose her nerve, always kept her calm for her husband and little kids. This only those can do who have a drive and belief in themselves.

She always stood strong like a pillar for her family. In rough times, the once meek girl from Punjab, stood strong in storms of life, and supported her husband and children, assured them and saw to it that they sailed through. Without her strength her family, her children would have been long broken. She is the house of willpower with which she fights her battles. If needed she will even make way with God and not let any harm touch her family.

For me, she, - my mother - is a woman of substance !!!

grow up !!!

how can u hold something that happened 9 to 10 years back as kids...that i dont even remember now and still be angry...

oh man will you ever grow up and behave like mature being?

i can't continue our argument that we left 10 years back when we were last in touch (perhaps met few times after that)...i have grown and moved on...too bad that you still live in 98....

mentality of indian women

so what if i have balls to do what i want to, and stand up to my rights - against the society, family and friends...so what if i have not made myself into a baby making machine like what is expected of a typical indian girl...so what if i want to lead my life my way and dont want to live terms dictated by parents, inlaws or husband

it does not make me any lesser women / person than you - or anyone for that matter ...

women's emotional imbalance

women - they seem to be very complicated but have one common trait the one where - they can be swept off their foot very easy...

right kind of words, right moves and she is yours...

i am watching the series "sex and the city" again, and this time round i am more irritated by Carrie's behavior than when i saw it earlier...as since then i have seen more and more cases of how women let men take advantage of their feelings so easily. women just seem to have no control.

while it is obvious that the guy is using her emotions to set a perfect trap, playing a ping pong by giving hope one day and withdrawing the next, she keeps falling for the trick till she has no shame and dignity left in her.

Carrie a typical subject - does exactly the same, falling into Big's trap time and again post being dumped god knows how many times already...why can't girls take a stance and decide once and for all, rather than falling in and out of love and bed of the same guy...

what's for the guy, he is just being a guy...and woman end up making complete fool's of themselves...proving the point that either they do not have brains...and if they do, it fails to work in front of their heart...or is it irresistible men?

Our very own “Butt Man”

When I saw the song for the first time I was overly surprised and very amused. I am talking about the song from sanwariya where Kapoor Junior Junior is crossing the lines in the Men’s world of exposing…

I was laughing thinking “finally men realize that woman have adrenaline effect as well and here is one guy who is trying to seduce young girls into theatres by flashing the otherwise never visible skin” may be he is starting a trend of men exposing, and next you see men refusing movies for too much of skin show in films…funny…!!!

Well talking about the man in question here, Ranbir Kapoor, it totally reminds me of Brad Pitt in Troy flashing his butt, and here our Indian “butt man” with his teasers behind the towel and leg show…

Well I hope it did what he expected it to do to all the young girls out there – increase their adrenaline levels….

men will always remain on mars

as many promises........................as many hopes
as many changes..........................as many indications
as many tries................................as many wishes
as many commitments................as many prayers
as many preaching.......................as many request
as many pleading.........................as many cries
as many pledges..........................as many mistakes
as many failures..........................as many learnings
as many pitfalls...........................as many question
as many answers........................as many climbs
as many falls................................as many frustrations
as many chances

...nothing helps

men will be men, and always remain on mars...

Can a man and a woman be “just” friends?

my answer is “why not?”, most of you around will answer no way…

per me, guy and a girl are two people and can be best of friends without having romantic feelings…friendship does not have anything to do with you being from same or opposite sex, friendship for me only means that you get along, hit it off and you care…

if I care for someone, I don’t train my brain to feel differently for a guy or a girl, all my brain…no my heart understands is that it feels for this person, I guess heart is typically sex blind to begin with…brain may understand the difference though…right…I think I am getting somewhere, let me rethink…

if you are ruled by mind and manage relationships – you see the difference, but if you are ruled by heart to drive relationships – you don’t see the difference…I guess this is the answer…

think of kids, they play in the playground, not worrying if half of them are in frocks or shorts, all they know is to slide down the slide, or catch some one quickly at hide and seek, may be coz their minds do not know the sex difference yet…as they grow they are taught about the difference and then brain understands it…so the complications begin…

you might laugh but i feel as strongly for my girlfriends as i can feel for a guy…i have this friend (ex colleague), I am extremely fond of, would get jealous if she mixed too much with other people, I would love to do small things for her, if tissue box on her desk was empty,I would replace it before she knew it was over…happily replaced her in official trips where she did not want to go…got gifts coz I knew she loved to be pampered, when some one got chocolates after travel – I would flick all the bounty’s first and hide it in my drawer – as that was her favourite, I sent million of thanks to God up there when finally she got engaged to her boyfriend… after she left I found a note pad of hers, with notes scribbled from meetings, I picked it up, two years past, I still have it with me, when I miss her - I open it look at her handwriting, touch the scribbled text to feel her again, I simply love her ….ya, now some of you might say "this babe is not straight"…that is exactly my point…why can’t a person truly and selflessly feel for another one without having romantic feelings? Why do you always have to mix it up?

well in here u might give me benefit of doubt, as we both are girls but if I did similar things for a guy…I am sure I will not be spared…and that is what irritates me…why can’t we accept that a girl can genuinely care for a guy without any romance in it – or vice verca…like I do for my friend mentioned above… why can't the world accept if I felt similarly for a guy?

why do you have to doubt the intentions if i care? why do you think i feel for you not the way a friend does but the way a girl would? why can't i feel happy to see you happy? what is wrong if i say you are special? why do you think i expect something in return? why i ask...why?

i am just being me, let me be...i ask nothing from you, i demand nothing from you, i expect nothing from you...

Men are from Venus too...

Men too are from Venus, but after marriage they move to Mars... Am sure all the husbands have heard their wives going endlessly on complaints like "you are not the same", "you do not do the same stuff ", "you do not care the same", " things are not the same" ,"you have changed"... Whom do you blame? The Venus or the Mars? Well in my mind none... like I said, even men are from Venus, but after marriage they move to Mars. Let me describe it, before marriage everything in the relationship, like talks, calls, emails, sex all are like a new book - right out of store. The well bound book, nicely gift wrapped, and a note of love...perhaps along with a rose...how wonderful is this feeling...(you are living in Venus) You take a peek into the note which brings a smile on the face, you unwrap it (may be save the wrapper) and open the book with care, read the title and read the summary behind. The pages smell nice of fresh print, while reading you turn the pages delicately, and at bedtime you shut it with leaf or a flower as a book mark. While sleeping you re-live its content in your mind, you sleep off thinking about it ...Yes this is the story of how it happens in Venus...when both the guy and the girl are living in the same street as neighbors. Post marriage ... The same book sits on the bookrack for years,covered with dust, hardly noticed, it may get picked up for a quick read or reference when free, you dust it lightly and find out that the cover is missing, you turn to the back for the summary and it is half torn, not sure if rats have eaten it or kid played with it, well, you sit to read and when the interest is building up, you are suddenly lost, coz you just jumped from page 23 to 37, not sure if the missing pages were ever a part of the book, with the guess work you understand the flow and move on, and before you can finish it, you run out of your free time and rush out, keeping it back where it was, till you pick it again... Now you know his address has changed... Welcome to Mars. 10 Aug 2006 (9:43 PM)

Every girl wants a Will Truman in her life...

Will Truman and Grace Adler (popularly known as Will and Grace) is a dream relationship for every girl. For them it cannot get better than this.

Why? Just think about it, your best friend, a succsessful and good looking guy , a live in relation (minus the sex), and all the care and love you can ask for.You do not have to worry about refilling milk in the fridge, or making breakfast in the morning, house will be clean, all the bills taken care of, if you have a bad day - you come back and cry on his shoulder, he feels happy for ur new relationships, and guess what he will also advice you on your make up and dresses.....best part is you know for sure that he will not hit on you...

The fact is some where in hearts of hearts we wish that he was straight and they both get together, after all who can be a better life partner than your best friend.

But why are girls scared to have the same relationship with a straight guy? Is it because she does not feel safe? Is sex such a big thing? Why feel scared and go look for a gay guy. What is it? It got to be sex, as apart from it, rest everything is same...you can get emotionally attached to gay as well, miss him when not there, feel cheated when he lies to you, are hurt when he does not do things right...it is absolutely a normal relationship, with happiness and sorrows and also fear of loosing one another, then why look for just a "Will" where you know rest all the insecurity of a relationship exist and only security (if you may call it) is - no sex.....

For me there was no "Will", had a best friend with a similar relationship of caring and sharing.....yes a straight...and guess what...for me the secret dream that we dream for Will and Grace came true, we did what Will and Grace could not ....got married.

Now I have this "Will" of mine, with all the above given features (I will be killed for this) plus a bonus of life time guarantee offer....

So all u girls out there, do not be scared to have a non gay "Will" in your life, you may be missing out on a great relationship, may be a best friend, and if you do not mind (what the heck) sex too. Ofcourse, not all of them will end up in marraige, my husband and I were Will and Grace for 12 years before we tied knot (and our marriage is a surprise to both of us )... but we actually shared the non committed, fun, care, love filled relationship for 12 long years....trust me it can work out with a straight guy also (with or without sex - as you may want it)

So go and have your "Will" in life, you can have it, only if you do not have the condition of him being a gay ...