I heard it again. And it still hurts.
I am tired of listening to Mumbaikars generalize north Indians as rude, aggressive, ruthless souls. These traits are found all around and not just exclusive to northindians…
Today looking at a guy from Jaipur who is soft spoken, a friend said “ he’s a northindian, a welcome change” . I only say, do not generalize. Coz when you do that it takes every northindian including my husband father, Tauji and many others into the same bucket …they, who are most polite people on this earth.
I am aggressive I agree…I have a voice and opinion, not because I am a northindian it is because “it is me”, and the way I have been brought up, with a right to speak my mind always. It is individuality of people and not a broad generalization.
I have not seen this in any other city but only in Mumbai…. So much of hatred / discrimination towards north Indians. I will say again… I am an Indian first, and I want to live with as much right as you do in a city of my own country…but things like this make me hate the city as much…and I wonder when destiny will take me to a city of my country where I am welcome.
Showing posts with label i speak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i speak. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
New age Schindlers for the new age Holocaust
Holocaust = Layoff’s
Schindlers = Managers
In past few months I have seen and heard many horrid stories of layoff’s, the way it is done, methods used, reasons quoted, terms it is done on…
In the midst of this bloodbath we fail to notice the hidden Schindlers, who try saving as many jobs as they can, or jobs of specific few…what ever is in their power, they help or try to...
I have also seen few cases where one has volunteered to be laid off in turn to save someone’s else’s job who is in need…HATS OFF…
Every day I admire a manager who makes an endless attempt to save one more casualty...and I see such examples more than you may imagine.
This post of mine is dedicated to all those Schindlers who are fighting with all their might...to save just one more soul if they can !!!
Holocaust did not last for ever …nor will this…so lets keep our strength together and try to be a Schindler in what ever way we can… after all, after decades we still remember Schindler, as much as we do the said genocide.
Schindlers = Managers
In past few months I have seen and heard many horrid stories of layoff’s, the way it is done, methods used, reasons quoted, terms it is done on…
In the midst of this bloodbath we fail to notice the hidden Schindlers, who try saving as many jobs as they can, or jobs of specific few…what ever is in their power, they help or try to...
I have also seen few cases where one has volunteered to be laid off in turn to save someone’s else’s job who is in need…HATS OFF…
Every day I admire a manager who makes an endless attempt to save one more casualty...and I see such examples more than you may imagine.
This post of mine is dedicated to all those Schindlers who are fighting with all their might...to save just one more soul if they can !!!
Holocaust did not last for ever …nor will this…so lets keep our strength together and try to be a Schindler in what ever way we can… after all, after decades we still remember Schindler, as much as we do the said genocide.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Friday, December 28, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
speak up...
not once but many a times it has happened that i have this great idea in my mind that i want to share, waiting for the right time to come..blah blah blah and before i know someone else has spoken about it...
in discussions when all are breaking heads for a solution , i may have an idea in my mind, but it sounds so stupid coz it sounds so basic...in fear of making a fool of myself ... i keep shut...and surprise surprise ... though basic...my solution was bang on!!! once again spoken by someone else...
my husband always tells me...most of the complex problem have simple solutions...but people are so fixed on solving complexity that they miss out the obvious...
so
lesson learnt - i will always speak up...
in discussions when all are breaking heads for a solution , i may have an idea in my mind, but it sounds so stupid coz it sounds so basic...in fear of making a fool of myself ... i keep shut...and surprise surprise ... though basic...my solution was bang on!!! once again spoken by someone else...
my husband always tells me...most of the complex problem have simple solutions...but people are so fixed on solving complexity that they miss out the obvious...
so
lesson learnt - i will always speak up...
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Road not taken...can we actually take it?
"road not taken" by Robert Frost, personally a very inspiring poem, that talks about how the road less traveled by... made all the difference...tell me in reality how many of us will or will be allowed to take the road that is "not taken".
Aren't we from childhood taught to stick to the conservative rather less risky path in life? how many of us do take a chance with our studies or career even if it means to follow our dreams?
do we not stop ourselves from doing something that our heart may long for but the world around may criticize.
...and how many times has the fear of society stopped u from taking that path u knew would actually make the difference...
... it may have worked for Mr Frost when he said " I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference " but i am not sure if we all can take the road that we know will make the difference...may be that road even if we want, cannot be taken...
Aren't we from childhood taught to stick to the conservative rather less risky path in life? how many of us do take a chance with our studies or career even if it means to follow our dreams?
do we not stop ourselves from doing something that our heart may long for but the world around may criticize.
...and how many times has the fear of society stopped u from taking that path u knew would actually make the difference...
... it may have worked for Mr Frost when he said " I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference " but i am not sure if we all can take the road that we know will make the difference...may be that road even if we want, cannot be taken...
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Can a man and a woman be “just” friends?
my answer is “why not?”, most of you around will answer no way…
per me, guy and a girl are two people and can be best of friends without having romantic feelings…friendship does not have anything to do with you being from same or opposite sex, friendship for me only means that you get along, hit it off and you care…
if I care for someone, I don’t train my brain to feel differently for a guy or a girl, all my brain…no my heart understands is that it feels for this person, I guess heart is typically sex blind to begin with…brain may understand the difference though…right…I think I am getting somewhere, let me rethink…
if you are ruled by mind and manage relationships – you see the difference, but if you are ruled by heart to drive relationships – you don’t see the difference…I guess this is the answer…
think of kids, they play in the playground, not worrying if half of them are in frocks or shorts, all they know is to slide down the slide, or catch some one quickly at hide and seek, may be coz their minds do not know the sex difference yet…as they grow they are taught about the difference and then brain understands it…so the complications begin…
you might laugh but i feel as strongly for my girlfriends as i can feel for a guy…i have this friend (ex colleague), I am extremely fond of, would get jealous if she mixed too much with other people, I would love to do small things for her, if tissue box on her desk was empty,I would replace it before she knew it was over…happily replaced her in official trips where she did not want to go…got gifts coz I knew she loved to be pampered, when some one got chocolates after travel – I would flick all the bounty’s first and hide it in my drawer – as that was her favourite, I sent million of thanks to God up there when finally she got engaged to her boyfriend… after she left I found a note pad of hers, with notes scribbled from meetings, I picked it up, two years past, I still have it with me, when I miss her - I open it look at her handwriting, touch the scribbled text to feel her again, I simply love her ….ya, now some of you might say "this babe is not straight"…that is exactly my point…why can’t a person truly and selflessly feel for another one without having romantic feelings? Why do you always have to mix it up?
well in here u might give me benefit of doubt, as we both are girls but if I did similar things for a guy…I am sure I will not be spared…and that is what irritates me…why can’t we accept that a girl can genuinely care for a guy without any romance in it – or vice verca…like I do for my friend mentioned above… why can't the world accept if I felt similarly for a guy?
why do you have to doubt the intentions if i care? why do you think i feel for you not the way a friend does but the way a girl would? why can't i feel happy to see you happy? what is wrong if i say you are special? why do you think i expect something in return? why i ask...why?
i am just being me, let me be...i ask nothing from you, i demand nothing from you, i expect nothing from you...
Friday, January 26, 2007
What does sex mean to you?
Woman are always found saying, “all what men have on their mind is sex”
I am not going to debate on if it is true or not, or is it right or wrong. Who am I to pass a judgment? I can only share my views on it…
A recent survey in Australia came out with a result, saying 80% of men were willing to forego sex for a month if they were assured win in Ashes. A sports crazy India, will follow any triangular series be it one day or test series, India or no India, one will choose a team and be with them. Well, if we were to follow the rule Ausies talked about, looking at the cricket season of 10 to 11 months a year, leaves us with 1 to 2 months, and thanks to athletics, PHL, and god knows what all, not sure if one will get any share of 'other' sport…and then we say guys want it all the time.
I was at dinner with my colleagues when one of them tasted a dish and said “it is too good, just like sex” and I went like what??? Is that all what sex mean to men? Or is it that they have it so much that it is nothing but food for them, the bottom line is, they are able to compare it to some well cooked veggies.
If a couple sleep together for the first time, typically the guy will talk about it in his group for a day or two, boast about his latest girl and then move on to discuss the latest Formula 1 race. Let’s see how the girl’s next few days will look like. You will find her smiling all the time, eating, bathing, walking, sleeping, working, practically doing anything, all day long the smile will not leave her face. Before sleeping, she will play the sequence of that day again and again in her mind, close her eyes and try to feel his hands again on all the places he had touched…trust me this can go on for weeks...and then we say - it is men who have it on their minds all the time.
Just a few days back I was talking to a friend when he said don’t know why girls pay so much importance to the first date, first gift, first kiss etc…, I was wondering, my friend being a bachelor under 30, gives no importance to these intimate moments and me being married and in love with my partner probably ever since I grew up, still prepare for his return from his trips and hope for sparkly moments, if they happen I treasure them, and if they don’t, I go heart broken…how can we say that “guys” are the ones possessed by these thoughts?
Spy on to a girlie group in a cozy corner, 8 out of 10 times they will be discussing guys and their "thing"...talk about sizes, moves and what not... trust me the level they can go down to is filth...I am sure guys do it too but they talk about it laugh it out and next thing - they will be philosophizing about life or planning a trip they had been wanting to take for a long time, walk into the girly group, even after 4 hours they will be giggling endlessly as if guys and their “thing” is the only life these girls have…
Don’t get me wrong, I know guys are no saints and they too have an evil mind. Nowhere am I trying to imply that men do not think about sex, they better do…but women are no less, if not more they are equal…but they will die before admitting it.
I am not going to debate on if it is true or not, or is it right or wrong. Who am I to pass a judgment? I can only share my views on it…
A recent survey in Australia came out with a result, saying 80% of men were willing to forego sex for a month if they were assured win in Ashes. A sports crazy India, will follow any triangular series be it one day or test series, India or no India, one will choose a team and be with them. Well, if we were to follow the rule Ausies talked about, looking at the cricket season of 10 to 11 months a year, leaves us with 1 to 2 months, and thanks to athletics, PHL, and god knows what all, not sure if one will get any share of 'other' sport…and then we say guys want it all the time.
I was at dinner with my colleagues when one of them tasted a dish and said “it is too good, just like sex” and I went like what??? Is that all what sex mean to men? Or is it that they have it so much that it is nothing but food for them, the bottom line is, they are able to compare it to some well cooked veggies.
If a couple sleep together for the first time, typically the guy will talk about it in his group for a day or two, boast about his latest girl and then move on to discuss the latest Formula 1 race. Let’s see how the girl’s next few days will look like. You will find her smiling all the time, eating, bathing, walking, sleeping, working, practically doing anything, all day long the smile will not leave her face. Before sleeping, she will play the sequence of that day again and again in her mind, close her eyes and try to feel his hands again on all the places he had touched…trust me this can go on for weeks...and then we say - it is men who have it on their minds all the time.
Just a few days back I was talking to a friend when he said don’t know why girls pay so much importance to the first date, first gift, first kiss etc…, I was wondering, my friend being a bachelor under 30, gives no importance to these intimate moments and me being married and in love with my partner probably ever since I grew up, still prepare for his return from his trips and hope for sparkly moments, if they happen I treasure them, and if they don’t, I go heart broken…how can we say that “guys” are the ones possessed by these thoughts?
Spy on to a girlie group in a cozy corner, 8 out of 10 times they will be discussing guys and their "thing"...talk about sizes, moves and what not... trust me the level they can go down to is filth...I am sure guys do it too but they talk about it laugh it out and next thing - they will be philosophizing about life or planning a trip they had been wanting to take for a long time, walk into the girly group, even after 4 hours they will be giggling endlessly as if guys and their “thing” is the only life these girls have…
Don’t get me wrong, I know guys are no saints and they too have an evil mind. Nowhere am I trying to imply that men do not think about sex, they better do…but women are no less, if not more they are equal…but they will die before admitting it.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Men are from Venus too...
Men too are from Venus, but after marriage they move to Mars... Am sure all the husbands have heard their wives going endlessly on complaints like "you are not the same", "you do not do the same stuff ", "you do not care the same", " things are not the same" ,"you have changed"... Whom do you blame? The Venus or the Mars? Well in my mind none... like I said, even men are from Venus, but after marriage they move to Mars. Let me describe it, before marriage everything in the relationship, like talks, calls, emails, sex all are like a new book - right out of store. The well bound book, nicely gift wrapped, and a note of love...perhaps along with a rose...how wonderful is this feeling...(you are living in Venus) You take a peek into the note which brings a smile on the face, you unwrap it (may be save the wrapper) and open the book with care, read the title and read the summary behind. The pages smell nice of fresh print, while reading you turn the pages delicately, and at bedtime you shut it with leaf or a flower as a book mark. While sleeping you re-live its content in your mind, you sleep off thinking about it ...Yes this is the story of how it happens in Venus...when both the guy and the girl are living in the same street as neighbors. Post marriage ... The same book sits on the bookrack for years,covered with dust, hardly noticed, it may get picked up for a quick read or reference when free, you dust it lightly and find out that the cover is missing, you turn to the back for the summary and it is half torn, not sure if rats have eaten it or kid played with it, well, you sit to read and when the interest is building up, you are suddenly lost, coz you just jumped from page 23 to 37, not sure if the missing pages were ever a part of the book, with the guess work you understand the flow and move on, and before you can finish it, you run out of your free time and rush out, keeping it back where it was, till you pick it again... Now you know his address has changed... Welcome to Mars. 10 Aug 2006 (9:43 PM)
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
does ass licking take you places?
this friend of mine does not belive in licking bosses ass, he is kind of an introvert, talks when needed, does his work (dedicatedly) and comes back home. does not believe in messing around with people, basically minds his own business.
i keep telling him to improve on his social skills, but he is the way he is. it will take a total personality change for him to go mingle with people without purpose..he is just not manufactured that way.
he and another dude in is work had joined together (one of the top 5 companies world wide).my friend is a well polished, sophisicated one, and the other one is kind of a mess (i have met him so can say so), so he surely will not have problem licking any ass and may be what ever else is required to be licked.
my friend had been working his butt off (he is working on a very complex project), and cracked a some cool stuff (silently), and the other dude though worked on some simple projects(this is known in the team that his projects are no rocket science), talks a lot about the work he does....
today some bigshot had come from US and gave an award to this other dude saying he has come up the pace quickly, while this friend of mine kept breaking his head with the complexities
is this fair? i keep telling him that it need not be ass licking but be vocal and talk about the stuff you .
gone are the days when your seniors would look at the silent hardworking guy and acknowledge his contribution. it is all about how well you can package the work you have done to the management and take the credit for all what u have done (also for what you have not done... )if u have done a simple task such as switching on ignition of a car, portray it as the engine was dead and you did the overhauling and made it work....uff it sucks...
i am really feeling bad my friend and hope he changes a bit, be more vocal about his work, no i do not mean exaggerate, but just talk about what he has done...more than that i hope that the managers and management changes the way they look and think, and finds out the way to identify some genuine guys around....
i keep telling him to improve on his social skills, but he is the way he is. it will take a total personality change for him to go mingle with people without purpose..he is just not manufactured that way.
he and another dude in is work had joined together (one of the top 5 companies world wide).my friend is a well polished, sophisicated one, and the other one is kind of a mess (i have met him so can say so), so he surely will not have problem licking any ass and may be what ever else is required to be licked.
my friend had been working his butt off (he is working on a very complex project), and cracked a some cool stuff (silently), and the other dude though worked on some simple projects(this is known in the team that his projects are no rocket science), talks a lot about the work he does....
today some bigshot had come from US and gave an award to this other dude saying he has come up the pace quickly, while this friend of mine kept breaking his head with the complexities
is this fair? i keep telling him that it need not be ass licking but be vocal and talk about the stuff you .
gone are the days when your seniors would look at the silent hardworking guy and acknowledge his contribution. it is all about how well you can package the work you have done to the management and take the credit for all what u have done (also for what you have not done... )if u have done a simple task such as switching on ignition of a car, portray it as the engine was dead and you did the overhauling and made it work....uff it sucks...
i am really feeling bad my friend and hope he changes a bit, be more vocal about his work, no i do not mean exaggerate, but just talk about what he has done...more than that i hope that the managers and management changes the way they look and think, and finds out the way to identify some genuine guys around....
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Every girl wants a Will Truman in her life...
Will Truman and Grace Adler (popularly known as Will and Grace) is a dream relationship for every girl. For them it cannot get better than this.
Why? Just think about it, your best friend, a succsessful and good looking guy , a live in relation (minus the sex), and all the care and love you can ask for.You do not have to worry about refilling milk in the fridge, or making breakfast in the morning, house will be clean, all the bills taken care of, if you have a bad day - you come back and cry on his shoulder, he feels happy for ur new relationships, and guess what he will also advice you on your make up and dresses.....best part is you know for sure that he will not hit on you...
The fact is some where in hearts of hearts we wish that he was straight and they both get together, after all who can be a better life partner than your best friend.
But why are girls scared to have the same relationship with a straight guy? Is it because she does not feel safe? Is sex such a big thing? Why feel scared and go look for a gay guy. What is it? It got to be sex, as apart from it, rest everything is same...you can get emotionally attached to gay as well, miss him when not there, feel cheated when he lies to you, are hurt when he does not do things right...it is absolutely a normal relationship, with happiness and sorrows and also fear of loosing one another, then why look for just a "Will" where you know rest all the insecurity of a relationship exist and only security (if you may call it) is - no sex.....
For me there was no "Will", had a best friend with a similar relationship of caring and sharing.....yes a straight...and guess what...for me the secret dream that we dream for Will and Grace came true, we did what Will and Grace could not ....got married.
Now I have this "Will" of mine, with all the above given features (I will be killed for this) plus a bonus of life time guarantee offer....
So all u girls out there, do not be scared to have a non gay "Will" in your life, you may be missing out on a great relationship, may be a best friend, and if you do not mind (what the heck) sex too. Ofcourse, not all of them will end up in marraige, my husband and I were Will and Grace for 12 years before we tied knot (and our marriage is a surprise to both of us )... but we actually shared the non committed, fun, care, love filled relationship for 12 long years....trust me it can work out with a straight guy also (with or without sex - as you may want it)
So go and have your "Will" in life, you can have it, only if you do not have the condition of him being a gay ...
Why? Just think about it, your best friend, a succsessful and good looking guy , a live in relation (minus the sex), and all the care and love you can ask for.You do not have to worry about refilling milk in the fridge, or making breakfast in the morning, house will be clean, all the bills taken care of, if you have a bad day - you come back and cry on his shoulder, he feels happy for ur new relationships, and guess what he will also advice you on your make up and dresses.....best part is you know for sure that he will not hit on you...
The fact is some where in hearts of hearts we wish that he was straight and they both get together, after all who can be a better life partner than your best friend.
But why are girls scared to have the same relationship with a straight guy? Is it because she does not feel safe? Is sex such a big thing? Why feel scared and go look for a gay guy. What is it? It got to be sex, as apart from it, rest everything is same...you can get emotionally attached to gay as well, miss him when not there, feel cheated when he lies to you, are hurt when he does not do things right...it is absolutely a normal relationship, with happiness and sorrows and also fear of loosing one another, then why look for just a "Will" where you know rest all the insecurity of a relationship exist and only security (if you may call it) is - no sex.....
For me there was no "Will", had a best friend with a similar relationship of caring and sharing.....yes a straight...and guess what...for me the secret dream that we dream for Will and Grace came true, we did what Will and Grace could not ....got married.
Now I have this "Will" of mine, with all the above given features (I will be killed for this) plus a bonus of life time guarantee offer....
So all u girls out there, do not be scared to have a non gay "Will" in your life, you may be missing out on a great relationship, may be a best friend, and if you do not mind (what the heck) sex too. Ofcourse, not all of them will end up in marraige, my husband and I were Will and Grace for 12 years before we tied knot (and our marriage is a surprise to both of us )... but we actually shared the non committed, fun, care, love filled relationship for 12 long years....trust me it can work out with a straight guy also (with or without sex - as you may want it)
So go and have your "Will" in life, you can have it, only if you do not have the condition of him being a gay ...
Saturday, November 20, 2004
"No" Papa "No"
Sleeping calmly in her room, covered with the satin, dreaming peacefully of the fairies, she is not aware of the devil that was about to destroy this fairy land…..he slides besides her , caresses her may be with the tune of lullaby, but the movements of the hands and the song of lullaby does not match, she is scared with her eyes opened, why is papa touching her in such a weird place, why is papa removing his shame shame…..papa no….papa it hurts……. papa………………..
We have heard or read about such stories many times, with many different cases and faces. The one just stated is the creepiest of all.
My body fills with fury when I see or hear a case like this or even vaguely connected, I want to light earth on fire and put an end to the devil called man. There is this women, a statue of sacrifice, who nourishes dreams, sacrifice her life, blood and body for her kids and this man in her life. This man who has no right to breath peacefully even for a moment……
Ever since he touches teenage, lusts every girl on the street, in the night brings himself to the highest pleasure imagining removing her cloths and bringing each one of them naked, when he looks at them the next day or talks to them, his eyes works like an x ray machine, looking at the bare curves of her body. This is how he steps into the lustful world.
He grows, and every girl he meets or makes friends with, there is one constant desire in his mind, to see her next to him naked in his bed, and that desire comes true every night, with the strokes of ecstasy, he rips the shame of the girl apart and brings her on the street, his mind is full of filth.
Each girl making love to him, gives him her mind body and soul, on the name of love, the purest thing on this earth……and he zips up with a faint smile on his face, adding one more "count" to his male ego, he has an addition in his list to talk about with his friends …..he just got a nice f**k and that is all it meant to him.
He has his share of physical satisfaction and decides to get settled with a homely girl, the one who will make his home and parents happy, raise his kids well and take care of him too. This double faced man wants his wife to be Goddess of home in the morning and a whore in the nights….in his bed.
Middle age touching him, wife gets busy with kids and commitments at home, his lust is still on fire, wife is getting older and busier, in his mind she has lost the drive, and he looks out. … and when he is looking out why not someone who is young and hot with desires.
He gets to a girl probably his daughters age, the thought never crossing his mind, that the girl he is sleeping with was probably being born when his own daughter was born, he does not realize that the girl he is screwing is probably a right match for his own son. His conscious does not even wake up when he gets her pregnant, when he is playing with his grandchildren at the same time…no - lust of a man is never satisfied.
This is the same man that we woman put on the pedestal with God, cry when a girl child is born and fast and pray to have a baby boy…another devil to be born.
We women are just fools, but not me, if I look at them with the eyes of the relations, they are either brother, farther, uncle, son, husband…. but if I look at them as they are - a man…to me they are all alike … bastards, full of lust.
*.*.*
We have heard or read about such stories many times, with many different cases and faces. The one just stated is the creepiest of all.
My body fills with fury when I see or hear a case like this or even vaguely connected, I want to light earth on fire and put an end to the devil called man. There is this women, a statue of sacrifice, who nourishes dreams, sacrifice her life, blood and body for her kids and this man in her life. This man who has no right to breath peacefully even for a moment……
Ever since he touches teenage, lusts every girl on the street, in the night brings himself to the highest pleasure imagining removing her cloths and bringing each one of them naked, when he looks at them the next day or talks to them, his eyes works like an x ray machine, looking at the bare curves of her body. This is how he steps into the lustful world.
He grows, and every girl he meets or makes friends with, there is one constant desire in his mind, to see her next to him naked in his bed, and that desire comes true every night, with the strokes of ecstasy, he rips the shame of the girl apart and brings her on the street, his mind is full of filth.
Each girl making love to him, gives him her mind body and soul, on the name of love, the purest thing on this earth……and he zips up with a faint smile on his face, adding one more "count" to his male ego, he has an addition in his list to talk about with his friends …..he just got a nice f**k and that is all it meant to him.
He has his share of physical satisfaction and decides to get settled with a homely girl, the one who will make his home and parents happy, raise his kids well and take care of him too. This double faced man wants his wife to be Goddess of home in the morning and a whore in the nights….in his bed.
Middle age touching him, wife gets busy with kids and commitments at home, his lust is still on fire, wife is getting older and busier, in his mind she has lost the drive, and he looks out. … and when he is looking out why not someone who is young and hot with desires.
He gets to a girl probably his daughters age, the thought never crossing his mind, that the girl he is sleeping with was probably being born when his own daughter was born, he does not realize that the girl he is screwing is probably a right match for his own son. His conscious does not even wake up when he gets her pregnant, when he is playing with his grandchildren at the same time…no - lust of a man is never satisfied.
This is the same man that we woman put on the pedestal with God, cry when a girl child is born and fast and pray to have a baby boy…another devil to be born.
We women are just fools, but not me, if I look at them with the eyes of the relations, they are either brother, farther, uncle, son, husband…. but if I look at them as they are - a man…to me they are all alike … bastards, full of lust.
*.*.*
Wednesday, January 10, 1996
My husband - My Parmeshwar - does he really exist????
Today being the 21st century I still preach the orthodox phenomenon “ Pati Parmeshwar hai” (Husband is almightily), yes most of you will laugh at me but this is how it is, I being a so called modern educated girl still live in the golden era of yester years and wait eagerly for “The Day” to come when my prince charming comes riding his horse to take me away in the land of dreams, where in his protection no pain will ever touch me again, to give a perfect fairy tale ending to my life the dialogue …. “ so they lived happily ever after”
Having the feelings of the past decades I have to live here, in today, where suffering is slowly killing all these beautiful feelings in me, fading away the charm of my dream city, my wonderland.
I was 15 when I first realized that it was not easy to be a girl. Coming back from school that day, when from out of no where these three boys appeared on a two wheeler, patted me on my back side and rushed out, leaving me standing all humiliated.
My parents had no answer to the question my tears were asking “what was my fault?” at that time I was too young to know, that my fault lied in my being – “ being a girl” . I also could not understand the worry on their faces, for then I did not realize what they did – it was just the beginning.
Being so young, I forgot that quickly, but as I said, that was the beginning, something of the same kind happened again, before I could react or realize what had happened, the man was gone, leaving me all shaken. I felt like waste on the road, some public property that people passing by could handle (or mishandle) me as they wished. I felt nothing in me belonged to me but to the world, all of me at their disposal, - believe me when I say, I did not sleep for nights, I use to wake up with shivers and kept staring into the darkness of the room, trying to figure out what had actually happened, my mind playing back the scene agian like a flashback in a movie. The fear left a deep affect on me, for days I cried feeling sorry for the girls who get raped, I was disturbed thinking, if I felt this way, can anyone understand the plight of those helpless girls? I tortured myself worrying about them and their miseries, at that time I thought that nothing could then save me from going to the gates of mental asylum.
Well, now when I am in college, I’ve learnt to take it as a part of daily routine, ask any girl coming down of the bus, she can tell you what she suffered, just 5 minutes back, in the bus, the gestures and moves of those frustrated men, they pushing and rubbing their body on us, trying to push their hardness into the back, shoulder, hand …… anywhere, trying to cleverly touch the girl at all the places they lust………no one retaliates, as then she will have to answer many around as to what happened, and what actually happens no girl can speak in public.
Every day I come back home, adding little more to the stock of my hatred towards men, I only hope that I do not start hating them completely , as you know , my God, “ my Parmeshwar” too belongs somewhere in that community.
10 Jan 96 , 3.00 PM
Having the feelings of the past decades I have to live here, in today, where suffering is slowly killing all these beautiful feelings in me, fading away the charm of my dream city, my wonderland.
I was 15 when I first realized that it was not easy to be a girl. Coming back from school that day, when from out of no where these three boys appeared on a two wheeler, patted me on my back side and rushed out, leaving me standing all humiliated.
My parents had no answer to the question my tears were asking “what was my fault?” at that time I was too young to know, that my fault lied in my being – “ being a girl” . I also could not understand the worry on their faces, for then I did not realize what they did – it was just the beginning.
Being so young, I forgot that quickly, but as I said, that was the beginning, something of the same kind happened again, before I could react or realize what had happened, the man was gone, leaving me all shaken. I felt like waste on the road, some public property that people passing by could handle (or mishandle) me as they wished. I felt nothing in me belonged to me but to the world, all of me at their disposal, - believe me when I say, I did not sleep for nights, I use to wake up with shivers and kept staring into the darkness of the room, trying to figure out what had actually happened, my mind playing back the scene agian like a flashback in a movie. The fear left a deep affect on me, for days I cried feeling sorry for the girls who get raped, I was disturbed thinking, if I felt this way, can anyone understand the plight of those helpless girls? I tortured myself worrying about them and their miseries, at that time I thought that nothing could then save me from going to the gates of mental asylum.
Well, now when I am in college, I’ve learnt to take it as a part of daily routine, ask any girl coming down of the bus, she can tell you what she suffered, just 5 minutes back, in the bus, the gestures and moves of those frustrated men, they pushing and rubbing their body on us, trying to push their hardness into the back, shoulder, hand …… anywhere, trying to cleverly touch the girl at all the places they lust………no one retaliates, as then she will have to answer many around as to what happened, and what actually happens no girl can speak in public.
Every day I come back home, adding little more to the stock of my hatred towards men, I only hope that I do not start hating them completely , as you know , my God, “ my Parmeshwar” too belongs somewhere in that community.
10 Jan 96 , 3.00 PM
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